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**** THIS IS A REPUBLIC HOLOVID ANNOUNCEMENT ****
Trooper Snafu: Ahh.. Shore leave... Time for some relaxation with the locals... Hmmm, what's this in my urgent email? Regional notices? No time to read those, off to find some fun...
(Trooper Snafu leaves ship, hops on nearby shuttle taxi and heads for the casino district on Nar Shaddaa)
Trooper Snafu: Look at all of the dancers in there. Not sure what species they are, but they sure seem extra friendly today... This is going to be a great night!
Nautolan Dancer: Wanna try some Pontanba Festival juice big guy?
Trooper: Ooo.. Sure! Anything for a good looking dancer like you!
(Next morning Trooper Snafu wakes up in the brig)
Trooper: Oooh my aching head... My god, my bowels feel like someone threw a thermal detonator in there...
Guard: Time for your medical checkup, move out trooper!
(Cut To scene in Doctors office)
Trooper Snafu: Doc, my insides feel like they are all twisted and my ass is on fire!
Sgt Major: So did you read the Regional notice?
Trooper Snafu: Oh that old thing, I already know not to get into bar fights sir...
Sgt Major: Did you read the notice about Pontanba juice and Nautolan spawning season?
Trooper Snafu: What?!? What's that?!?!
Sgt Major: Pontanba juice is a anesthetic used by Nautolans when they implant their males with the fetus during mating season which is called the Pontanba Festival. It helps with the pain of the colonic parasite they implant with their tentacles through the anus. In the case of a shortage of males, they will use any willing species.
Trooper Snafu: Colonic?!?? Parasite?!?!
Sgt Major: If you had read your notices, you would have known all of this information. As it is, I am hereby required to give you notice that you are now pregnant with a Nautolan. The birth process will take 6 months, and you'll feel like you are heavily constipated during this time. When birthing nears, you'll begin to excrete a musk with the scent akin to rotting fish. The birth process is... well, to put it bluntly, like trying to drive a landspeeder through a manhole...
Trooper Snafu: Fuck me!
Sgt Major: I believe that has already happened...
***** TROOPERS: ALWAYS READ YOUR NOTICES *****
*** This has been a presentation of the Republic Army Intelligence ***
Trooper Snafu: Ahh.. Shore leave... Time for some relaxation with the locals... Hmmm, what's this in my urgent email? Regional notices? No time to read those, off to find some fun...
(Trooper Snafu leaves ship, hops on nearby shuttle taxi and heads for the casino district on Nar Shaddaa)
Trooper Snafu: Look at all of the dancers in there. Not sure what species they are, but they sure seem extra friendly today... This is going to be a great night!
Nautolan Dancer: Wanna try some Pontanba Festival juice big guy?
Trooper: Ooo.. Sure! Anything for a good looking dancer like you!
(Next morning Trooper Snafu wakes up in the brig)
Trooper: Oooh my aching head... My god, my bowels feel like someone threw a thermal detonator in there...
Guard: Time for your medical checkup, move out trooper!
(Cut To scene in Doctors office)
Trooper Snafu: Doc, my insides feel like they are all twisted and my ass is on fire!
Sgt Major: So did you read the Regional notice?
Trooper Snafu: Oh that old thing, I already know not to get into bar fights sir...
Sgt Major: Did you read the notice about Pontanba juice and Nautolan spawning season?
Trooper Snafu: What?!? What's that?!?!
Sgt Major: Pontanba juice is a anesthetic used by Nautolans when they implant their males with the fetus during mating season which is called the Pontanba Festival. It helps with the pain of the colonic parasite they implant with their tentacles through the anus. In the case of a shortage of males, they will use any willing species.
Trooper Snafu: Colonic?!?? Parasite?!?!
Sgt Major: If you had read your notices, you would have known all of this information. As it is, I am hereby required to give you notice that you are now pregnant with a Nautolan. The birth process will take 6 months, and you'll feel like you are heavily constipated during this time. When birthing nears, you'll begin to excrete a musk with the scent akin to rotting fish. The birth process is... well, to put it bluntly, like trying to drive a landspeeder through a manhole...
Trooper Snafu: Fuck me!
Sgt Major: I believe that has already happened...
***** TROOPERS: ALWAYS READ YOUR NOTICES *****
*** This has been a presentation of the Republic Army Intelligence ***
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